I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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