You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
