I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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