saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's official drugs can't kill me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
