You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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