if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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