lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
