Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
