goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize