It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize