did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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