Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
