Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
