did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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