btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
