I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
