I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
