Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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