i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
