Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
