Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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