Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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