Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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