I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
