I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
