i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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