i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
