Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
