You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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