I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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