I'd wear matching sweaters with you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
