My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
