so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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