Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
