I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
God I need to hump something, right now.
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