can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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