The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
