i may or may not be watching the land before time
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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