the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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