Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
