Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
