smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
