cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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