your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize