I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
