Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
