my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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