So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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