She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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