You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
