tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
