Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize