i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
