even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
