when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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