when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize