last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
