Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
