Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
