Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
