I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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