So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
