Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
