I heard we made out
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
