I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
