:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
