mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
