uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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