You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
