A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
