My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.