He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.