i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
