Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
