If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
