Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
