Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
