D3 body, D1 cock
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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