If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
