Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
