I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
