Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
