i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
