We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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