I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
